There weren't many people about as it was Sunday, but we still had fun. We wandered about to different places and anyway, we ended up in this Night Club that played 'house' music. It was filled with fit birds and sexy lads and I started wondering the big questions in life such as, what is the point of existence? It felt like a place I didn't belong. The music was so loud it hurt, it was really smokey, and I felt sick. However, I think that might have partly been because we went to an 'All You Can Eat' restaurant beforehand.
It was quite nice to be socializing though since this is the second time I've been 'out' after spending ages in my room, hiding and crying.
Speaking of crying, I was upset on and off all of Friday afternoon as I read this really good book that annoyingly had to end. It was called 'The Outcast', it was the saddest and loveliest. I'm mentioning it as it was about a boy who had a turbulent experience in his childhood,
his Mum drowned in a river, and he was left to live with his father who was quite cold to him, and then soon got a stepmother who lost patience with his awkwardness. He wasn't a bad person but did things the society around him thought was bad - and I suppose people today would too - he also self-harmed which I don't think was understood in the fifties and so it was another thing to judge him by and be annoyed about why he did it.
But it takes you all through his childhood up until the age of nineteen when he finally, not really by his own choice, gets to break free from his past. Even though the protagonist did 'bad' things and was disliked by people who were around him not once do you ever dislike him, you can only feel empathy.
It changed my outlook on people. It really got across the idea that the people you meet in the moments you experience with them aren't so abstract. They come with miles of different experience, thoughts, ups and downs, that lead them to behave the way they do in that very moment you are with them. It makes me feel less judgmental towards people and only want to attempt to understand and empathize with them, because who knows what they have been through.
I really like being around children and babies (This is related). Even though I'm not good with babies as they are very demanding and temperamental. I'm not very authoritative or anything, but I find their company can be so enjoyable. They're innocent and just learning what life is all about. The world they are growing up in now will shape the adults they will become.
I look at adults and some you want to keep away from or just dislike, and I try and remember that they were a child once learning all about the world and how they belong in it, and maybe they grew up in a world where they had to harden themselves and develop different strategies or defense mechanisms in order to survive in it. It's hard to think about that I think, as a child seems so far away when you look at a fully formed adult, they are almost like 2 different creatures.
PS I know there are people who had great lives who are really mean and annoying anyway!
