holiday in blackpool

I went to Blackpool quite a while ago now. I had a nice time, however my Mother and Grandmother get on my wick after a bit. The worst bit was catching a horrendous cold and I especially disliked the symptoms of coughing, sneezing, eyes streaming and difficulty breathing. I liked the hotel though as they had nice breakfasts.

My Mum went to see a clair-voyant who told her future to her, it was quite expensive, £30! and then Mum ran and put a her special numbers that the clair-voyant gave her on the lottery, but she didn't win anything unfortunately.

I walked up and down the pier and went on a few trams but didn't really get to do much else, however I bought loads of Daniel O Donnell memorabilia which I love as I'm such a big fan.

Here are a few photographs that I took...

Working Life

October 18th was my anniversary for working a year in the Supermarket. When I first started the job, I was so pleased I was in employment and also so happy that I enjoyed the job. I didn't feel utterly consumed, physically and emotionally, and I loved working and earning money...It was my first job.

I attempted two other jobs before this which were horrible - one was working in Hollywood Bowl. I was in the kitchen. I remember standing around all day feeling emotionally on edge. I started at 12pm and finished at 8pm on a Sunday and I went for my break about 6. I sat there eating my banana in an empty room. It was really awful and it scared me that This Is What The Real World Is Like. I sobbed on the walk home and then not quite ready for that real world, didn't go back.

I then got another job in Mcdonalds which was even worse. I was paired with this awful boy and I had to lift boxes that were too heavy for me and he liked bossing me around and also commenting on the women's breasts who drove through the drive-thru. I started crying after the first hour and then left my Uniform there and told the manager that this job isn't for me.

Since I lived with my parents it wasn't crucial I had a job and it just makes me think of how awful it must be to have to do a job you hate.

Even though there are probably loads of better jobs out there I do enjoy it mostly, in comparison to what I felt in my previous jobs. I actually find it more enjoyable than when I was in education strangely! In education I was always filled with a lethargy when I was there and when I'd finished and hated the endless lingering feeling that I had work to do. In the supermarket I mostly feel alert and feel productive and I don't have to do P.E.

Well, I don't really want to work in a supermarket forever but I am not sure what else I should do just yet..I'm so indecisive and it's tricky working it out.

Death comes at the oddest of times

I haven't much experience with death - I've never lost anyone close to me.

I was browsing Facebook and discovered a group and a girl who attended my school died 2 weeks ago from an epileptic attack. She was only nineteen, the same age as I. I knew her but not that well, I once attended the Cinema with her to see the film "Honey"

It seems so tragic because she was so young and according to the group she is a mother as well. She couldn't have done that much with her life - She was quiet at school and was bullied. It seems sad that she was bullied at school, became pregnant to a little girl and now her life has ended abruptly at nineteen.

When someone dies who you aren't close to it still affects you somewhat and reminds you that death is very much intertwined with life and when it happens it just means they are no longer there anymore and that is that, there is no relief, an endless swirling black hole. I mean, I can only imagine really.

I have no idea how I would feel or would react if someone close to me died, it does seem unthinkable but it is inevitable.

It makes you think that life is for living and death isn't always so far away.

Weight Watchers

I have been going to Weight Watchers for about 4 months. I have always been quite fat and always been incredibly unhappy about it! I gained weight due to eating too much, obviously, but I always enjoyed eating as I found it very comforting. At times, I long to stuff my face with things I really should stay away from, and luckily for the most part, I do stay away from them...

Before, it was a real battle with food as I always equated food with mood. When I was happy, I liked eating to emphasize that happiness and when I was sad I liked eating to make me feel better. Afterwards, I was always disgusted with myself...and I was endlessly attempting to lose weight. It was no way to live.

I weighed 13 stone and half a pound when I first began Weight Watchers. The photograph below was what I recieved when I lost 10% of my body weight - which was 18lbs. Altogether now, I have lost 26.5lbs.

Now I have lost this weight I can fit into nicer clothes and I find myself making the effort to look nice. It was never like that before as the only way to deal with how I looked was through ignorance. Shopping when you're overweight is always frustrating as sizes don't go very high and even then I found it depressing discovering however expensive or nice it looked, it wouldn't look that nice on me.

I really feel fairly different now. I used to hate looking at myself in mirrors and shop windows and now I feel alright about it.

I don't think that people who aren't the 'normal' weight can't look nice as I think everyone is attractive in their own way . I never thought people who were "fat" weren't attractive. I just couldn't see myself as attractive, I just didn't feel I suited the 'plump' look. I have quite a small chest. And a protruding stomach and little chest just looks strange - it made me think I am not meant to be like this and look this way.


When you attend Weight Watchers you have to line up and wait to be weighed. Once it's your turn you usually take your shoes off, and if you think it has been a bad week you end up taking your glasses/earrings/cardigans off in the hope that will make a difference. Mostly women go (to mine) but there are a few men also. Then you have to pay - which I find humorous as every time I always end up in an embarrasing situation with the woman that deals with payments. For example...

Woman: How much have you lost love?
Me: 2lbs
Woman: 4lbs! That's right good!
Me: No..just 2lbs.

or

Woman: You've done right well you! How many stones is it...5?
Me: No...
Woman: 4? 3? 2?
Me: Just over 1!

Long pause.

Oh well..at least she is friendly!

They also have a shop where they sell different Weight Watchers products which you can't buy in shops such as crisps, chocolate bars, cookery books, sweets.

Then you can also stay for the meeting in which the leader discusses various things relating to weight loss and Weight Watchers...

I really like going to Weight Watchers as it's a supportive environment and the "diet" itself doesn't feel like a diet, as you can eat what you want. So if anyone was considering losing weight, then I highly recommend Weight Watchers.

What's in my bag...

Jenny Adamthwaite in her blog From The Living Room tagged me to show what is in my handbag! She said because I was looking for things to write about and I guess I am!

As you can see, the majority of the contents of my bag are typical bag-stuff; keys, purse, various crap like reciepts. I quite like my pink hello kitty purse; inside it is a picture of my neice and nephew, more reciepts, and bank, id, top-up, student cards.

My notebook, monthly pass, and the thing you can see with two "7"s on are all Weight Watchers related as I use the notebook to write down how many points I have had during the day (I am allowed 20). Also, the monthly pass is just what I use as I don't pay to go to weekly meetings but they take it out of my bank. The thing with the two "7"s on is a record of how much I have lost so far.

I also have a film in my bag as I am waiting to develop it in the darkroom on Friday.

My new purchase are my gloves and I've needed them sooner than I anticipated! I really love my gloves as they are fingerless but also have a mitten-top, so I don't have to take them off for doing things which is good and when it's cold I can put on the mitten-top.

Also, I really like my bag which my sister found whilst we were in a charity shop. She gave it to me but I think it is worth quite a lot as this girl at college asked me if I queud up for my bag and I had no idea what she was on about. Perhaps it is a fake..I wouldn't know the difference but it's still very real in the sense it's not a plastic bag. :P

Also if you look closely there is a cinema ticket for the film 'How to Lose Friends and Alienate People' (which was ok) and a wrapper for a chocolate bar...

So that is what is in my bag, the end!

Photography Course

Well I've started a photography course. I decided to enrol on a course as I enjoy photography but I am frustrated with my lack of technical knowledge of the camera. In my class there is a diverse range of ages, I am perhaps the youngest in the class. I have been learning about cameras and how to use the darkroom. It's all rather exciting! The process of taking pictures and developing becomes so much more fascinating when you are in control of every part of it.

I take pictures with my digital camera, but there is something more satisfying about this. With digital photography it is so instant, that I take for granted whatever image appears. It doesn't feel like it is my image. It's just something I have captured, not created.

Another reason I enjoy my photography class is it's good being with different people. I don't really have any friends in Sheffield anymore, and so being with other human beings is good for me. It is strange, as I feel more settled than I ever did when I was studying for my A Levels. Everyone is so friendly and wants to talk.

I feel like the camera makes sense to me now rather than a foreign language.

Doesn't it go dark early?

I have been neglecting my blog. I asked my Mum what I should write in in it and she had 4 suggestions:

1) The photography course I am on
2) That I've joined Weight Watchers and lost quite a lot of weight
3) I'm going on holiday soon to Blackpool
4) It was Grandma's 77th birthday the other day and she got 25 birthday cards

Perhaps I should blog about the first two and not the latter two.